bad dreams

lately i just seem to be having a lot of bad dreams....not bad but TERRIBLE to the point where i wake up crying because it feels so real....and they are soooooooo horrible!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh save me from myself!!!

omg i am loosing it.....

so helena is a total crank butt today.....i need to go shopping....i dont have my car.....ahhhhhhhhhhhh save me from myself!!!! please?!?!?!

helena hasnt really stopped crying ALL MORNING!!!!!! i knwo she doesnt feel good...shes got a diaper rash....shes just not happy today...but NOTHING i do is making her any better cept STANDING and holding her.....shes ONLY not crying when i STAND to hold her...when i sit down even though im still holding her she CRIES....she isnt hungry....she doesnt need to burp....she just is not HAPPY!!!! i think shes teething and i gave her tylenol and orajel but shes STILL CRANKY!!!!!

Avatars to describe my many feelings

this about sums me up right now

just so tired.....

im just so tired of everything....thinking....feeling.....blah......what to do? what do i want? i dont think i know myself anymore!! ever feel like that?? how do i get out of this funk? prolly wont last more than a day or two....but it totally is getting in the way of my everyday life...i just cant shake this! i just feel like screaming or running away or something! drinking myself into a stupor perhaps?!?!

a good cry....

can be helpful sometimes....which is what i did last night. me and karl talked some more and i feel a little better than i did all day yesterday. I was just in a mood....where i didnt know what to think or feel....and after talking and crying a little bit....I felt better.....I still feel sad.....but maybe in time everything will be okay.....

well stop it then!

so helena keeps sticking her fingers in the vcr and getting them stuck...looking at me then crying! its like fine then STOP....lol....crazy baby!!

Making the Transition

to formula with helena! she is now 8 months old and I have decided to wean her onto formula....life was very stressful for a while and it hurt my supply, not to mention that I only eat about 1 or 2 times a day anymore! so that can't help things out! but she is doing very good....still nursing in the morning and takes formula for the rest of the day! eventually we'll cut out that morning feeding...but not yet!